I’ve never been afraid of speaking in public. In fact, I love doing it. But last Sunday, an interesting thought popped into my consciousness.

On queue, I confidently walked up the 3 steps to the podium as ‘Surely the Presence’ was winding down. I began as usual with “Surely the Presence of the Lord is in this place. Let us pray.” However, instead of hearing my amplified voice echo into the audience, I sounded flat. I continued to speak into the mic, but raised my voice so that the audience could hear. Good thing the acoustics in the sanctuary are phenomenal.

As I calmly finished the prayer, I distinctly heard the voice. You know the voice. The one that convinces people that public speaking is a scary, dangerous endeavor. “Not so hot now huh,” it said. Well, I had to smile.

I asked the audience if they could hear me. They said yes. And I assuredly went on with the announcements.

Ordinarily, that thought would mean nothing, except that in 2 hours I had to do the same thing in front of 400 people, the general public no less, in a park, under the trees, with no sound check!

Fear began to creep in. It was seeping through the crevices of my sanctuary. The space I go to within to meet Spirit. The place from which brilliant light shines. Fear crept in, dark and murky, like crude oil, but the light of Spirit continued to shine.

This time something curious was happening. First of all, I was witnessing the process. I was aware of the light and I was aware of the shadow. I could see it and feel it. I was present to the moment. Rather than letting that fear seep past my conscious awareness and take over my subconscious, I amplified the light. I gave it permission to shine brighter. I gave mySelf permission to be bolder, more flambouyant, more assured. I mean, the light was pouring out until there was no fear, and no me. It was a moment I’ve been yearning for. Literally, a moment of in-light-enment.

Spirit found its place in me that day. Actually, I allowed myself to be Spirit that day. I pushed the boundary. I stepped out of the way completely and I experienced radiance, joy, peace, love, and understanding beyond my imagination.

There truly is power in the present and in the Presence.

In Spirit,
Nneka

As I approached my 29th birthday, something in me went bezerk. I started to question everything and nothing seemed to have meaning. Soon after my 29th birthday I abruptly quit my high-powered corporate job as an IT consultant. I could only describe what I was going through as a mid life crisis. I would imagine that people used to experience this on approaching 40, but more and more people in my generation are reporting a certain sense of urgency, near panic, as they turn 30 or soon after. Have we - Gen X’ers and Gen Y’ers - moved the decade of the mid-life crisis?

Suddenly, faced with a life you always thought you wanted, you don’t fit. Not the job that you aspired to in college and got (with equal pay no less). Not the house that you got to show the world just how grown up you are. Not the husband that treated you exactly how they do in the chick flicks. None of it fits, least of all your clothes.

What do you do when this happens? At 32, I’m still working on re-arranging my life, but I could share with you what’s worked for me so far.

Stand Still

You may be tempted to do more, to get more, to say more, but do the opposite. Rest more, give more, listen more. Remain as still as the eye in the storm, for that is the safest place to be. Let your life swirl around you until it exhausts itself and collapses. The shattered pieces may terrify you, but only then will you be able to be whole again.

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

–David Wagoner, Lost

Attend to Your Spritual Practice

Whether it’s journaling, silent meditation, or reading a Sacred text, develop the daily practice of going within to find the still, cool, refreshing pool of wisdom deep inside you. Take a dip in it everyday.

The only way to gain power in a world that is moving too fast is to learn to slow down.

And the only way to spread one’s influence wide is to learn to go deep. The world we want for ourselves and our children will not emerge from electronic speed but rather from spiritual stillness that takes root in our souls.

Then, and only then, will we create a world that reflects the heart instead of shattering it.

–Marianne Williamson

Stay Alert, Awake, and Aware

Spirit will guide you in all your endeavors. Look for the signposts. You are searching. You will find It, but you have to stay awake.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

–Rumi, Don’t Go Back to Sleep

Your path will clear before you with such ease, you will be astonished. What will be left will be for you to have the courage to follow it.

In Spirit,
Nneka