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You can just see the gushy-ness oozing from Dan and Jennifer in their pictures, but it’s rather interesting to hear it in their voices. It’s refreshing really. The love is so pervasive, it makes you fall in love with them.

I “met” Dan and Jennifer through the Positive Blog Network. Their blog (feed) is written in a Dear Abby style. However, you get the male and female perspective. Better still, Dan and Jennifer are all about “raising the consciousness of the relationship.”

The couple have been together for 4 years and live together in Dallas, Texas. They credit the success of their relationship to openly and honestly sharing their true selves and the end of making decisions out of fear. They’ve liberated themselves from the conformities of society and no longer worry about what other people think.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Dan and Jennifer last weekend. Here’s what they had to say about relationships, sex, blogging, and spirituality.

Nneka: Let’s jump right in. How did you come up with the concept for Ask Dan and Jennifer?
Dan and Jennifer: We owned and operated an Online Dating site for 3 years, but what we found was that people make the same mistakes online that they do offline. We decided to write a book about Online Dating to help people succeed. When we finished the book, it still wasn’t enough for us. We really wanted to help people, not only find their soul mate, but to have a relationship like ours. When you write a book, you get the information out, but to put out new and fresh information, you have to write another book and that’s a long process. So AskDanAndJennifer was born.

Nneka: I think the format of your site is unique and inviting. It’s like a newspaper column. Is that why you chose to make the site a blog?
Dan and Jennifer: Blogging and writing articles has provided a way for us to put out lots of new and fresh content and to actually answer the questions that are in our readers minds - today, not next month. It allows us to actually reach out and touch people on an individual level.

We get to speak our mind and say it like it is. Our thoughts and ideas about relationships are not what many people would consider main stream. We don’t believe that you have to have a ‘marriage contract’ to have a happy long term relationship. We also don’t believe that you are a failure if you don’t stay with the same person forever. So many people stay in a relationship because they feel that they have to, even if they are miserable. Every relationship in your life should bring you joy and if it’s not, then it may be time to move on. People come into your life and leave for various reasons and learning experiences. Eventually everyone you know will leave - in life or death. That’s not a tragedy - it’s just the cycle of life and your opportunity to grow.

Nneka: Some folks are probably wondering (I know I am), are the questions real?
Dan and Jennifer: Absolutely!

From our perspective, there are no strange questions. We don’t look at a question and say - This person is weird or this question is weird. Fact is it’s a real person facing a real problem in their life. It’s really cool that they are asking for our opinion and help. We try really hard to think about what we would do in their situation without judgment or bias.

Nneka: Do you have any relationship role models?
Dan and Jennifer: If you’re asking about relationship psychologists - NO. We disagree with most of them. A 50+% divorce rate should tell us that what we’re doing now is not working. As a society, we are evolving into a new era. Outdated views around relationships (what truly defines a relationship?), marriage (read ownership - you own your car, not your partner), and sex (sex is not bad, we are sexual beings and that’s OK) must be revisited.

“Question Everything!” It’s time to start thinking for ourselves rather than simply regurgitating everything that’s been programmed into our heads since we were little children and blindly accepting our parents belief systems.

Our role model is “Unconditional Love and Acceptance” as taught by Wayne Dyer, David Hawkins, Bill Harris (Centerpointe), and Hale Dwoskin (The Sedona Method) - They’re not so-called relationship experts, but they are truly spiritual experts. If you get clear on the inside, all of your relationships will blossom. You don’t need a degree in psychology to show love, kindness, and compassion to another person.

Nneka: So what’s your answer to the question that every relationship guru gets: What’s the most important component of a relationship?
Dan and Jennifer: Unconditional acceptance and communication, communication, communication…

Talk about everything, even if it’s a difficult topic. The trick is that you have to learn to keep your ego out of it. Your inner spirit can’t be hurt or get angry - that’s your ego… If you can recognize that your ego is at the center of all conflict, life and all of your relationships will be better.

Unconditional acceptance is loving someone for who they are and where they are now and not trying to control or change them. Be happy for them and allow them to do whatever makes them happy and brings them joy - that’s unconditional love. Trying to control the actions or emotions of another person is a sure path to frustration. The popular idea that you can change someone is really an illusion and will only end in frustration for both parties. In the end, what we all realize is that it’s impossible to control another person, so why not allow them to do and be what brings them joy. People do change, and can change very suddenly, but only when they are ready to change.

Nneka: Even sex
Dan and Jennifer: Even sex.

Always stay open to new ideas, even if they may seem a little forbidden or outside of your comfort zone. You never know until you try it. Talk about your fantasies with each other and actually try them. You may decide that you enjoyed it or you may decide that it’s better as a fantasy, but either way you at least tried it. We created a ‘Fantasy Box’ where we write down our fantasies in great detail and put them in a box. Occasionally, we draw one out of the box and go for it!

It’s all about keeping your relationship fresh and exciting. We all love the beginning stages of a new relationship when our partners are perfect and it’s always fun and exciting. And then we get complacent… Don’t get lazy! Make the effort to keep your relationship exciting.

Nneka: Now for some serious stuff. Balanced Life Center is about putting spiritual principles into practice. Which spiritual principles do you hold dear and how do you put them into practice in your daily life?
Dan and Jennifer: Our spiritual philosophy can be summed up by reading the 4 books that changed our lives forever:

• Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks
• The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer
• Power Vs. Force by David Hawkins
• The Passion Test by Chris and Janet Attwood

We implement what we have learned from these amazing folks (and many others) every day.

• We meditate daily
• We try to learn something new and grow every day.
• Define our passions as a couple and set intentions around each of our passions. We do this together because we believe that as a couple, you either grow together or you grow apart.
• We have a manifestation board where we place pictures and phrases that represent who we are and want to become.
• We live life every day with passion and deliberate intent. We define joint intentions and meditate on those intentions every day.
• Our goal each and every day is to live life in love and acceptance; not fear and judgment of ourselves or others.

Nneka: So what can we expect to see from the two of you in the future?
Dan and Jennifer: We’re taking relationships over to the spiritual realm. When people think about relationships, we want them to think about us.

Here, here. Dan and Jennifer, a couple that’s building their relationship on a spiritual foundation and helping you do the same.

I look forward to collaborating with you in the future.

In Spirit,
Nneka

In my ode to blogging (which may have been misinterpreted) I ran with an unofficial tag and expressed my love for blogging. To recap, here are the 5 reasons I gave:

• Having a blog gives me a platform and a voice.
• It’s introduced me to many like-minded people who have become friends.
• It’s given me a reason to write.
• I am in love with the idea of social media. The idea that people can connect and share ideas from any country and be on equal footing.
• Blogging is a catalyst and a tool that can be used to change the world.

Now, I’ve been officially tagged by Brian of Genius Types. Thanks Brian, for giving me a reason to blog today. Here are 5 more:

I blog to raise consciousness.

20 Years ago, the idea of successfully publishing a book may have deterred a person like me from spreading the concept of increased awareness of God. Today, I am among several others who are lifting their voices to introduce ideas like the Law of Attraction, Subjective Reality, and Intention Manifestation.

We are fast approaching the day when a significant contingent will discover that God is everywhere present and that it’s up to us to manifest all the good in our lives by being clear channels for God’s expression. We are learning that our thoughts shape our world. Right now, that information is being used to expand bank accounts and find the right mate.

I blog because I want to use the idea to bring peace and help us to become aware of the Divinity in ourselves and in others. When we do that, we can’t help but do unto others as we do unto ourselves because we will realize that we are others, that there is only One.

I blog to facilitate discussion.

No man is an island, but sometimes it sure does feel like I’m living on one. I was fortunate enough to be raised in a family that believed in wacky ideas like being Divine, but when I left the nest I discovered that not everyone had the same ideas. Fortunately, I stumbled upon a site that opened the door to a whole community of wacky-idea-believers.

I blog so that there is another thread in the fabric, so that someone else might find a home here, so that I can offer the same refuge that was offered to me. It’s not sufficient for me to have a site in the ether with no audience, neither is it sufficient to know in my stats tool that I have a lot of readers. I want to facilitate discussion. I want people to start talking, and I want this to be the place where they know that they can openly express an idea and find that, not only is there no judgement, but there might be someone chiming in to say “me too.”

I blog to express my creativity.

I didn’t know I had it in me really, to come up with about 200 words a day, but alas, I do. I was a math and science fiend growing up. There was a heavy emphasis on logic. However, I always had an interest in art and beautiful things. I have a knack for translating words into images, although I don’t do much of it here. Here, I am developing the ability to translate images and ideas into words.

I blog to learn and teach.

I have a sincere interest in understanding and applying spirituality to my life in an everyday kind of way. Blogging about it helps me to practice what I preach so to speak. When I write a post, I’ve lived it at least 3 times. After I hit publish, I get hit with a whammy of “test” to see if I really got it.

By blogging, I am learning how to really live from the inside out, and I’m getting the opportunity to share my experience with friends. How cool is that!

As an aside, if you’re into numerology, my expression, persona, and destiny numbers are 7. I almost got my Ph.D. because I wanted to be a professor. I really enjoy learning and teaching, but I could never find a topic that I was interested enough in to delve deeply. (I also have 5 fives in my name.) Spirituality and how to apply it is a life-long pursuit and the deeper I go, the more enchanted I get. Not to mention the practical application really is changing my life.

I blog to build visibility and credibility.

I took sales training a year ago and one of the fundamental things that we learned was that a sale results from the combination of visibility, credibility, and fit. I think blogging helps in all 3 areas. It helps you to slowly build an audience by providing valuable information and over time you can become known as the authority in a given area.

I want to change the world. I believe everyone can. I believe that I am “supposed to” change the world in a big way. I’m not sure how yet. I just feel it. In the meantime, blogging is giving me a voice and helping me to build capacity.

I’m going to tag some A-listers on this one. Steve, you probably want to save your blogging juice for something a bit deeper, but I believe you’ll have a doozy of a list. Same goes for Darren, Brian, and Seth. I’d also love to hear for Stephanie Quilao.

In Spirit,
Nneka