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So how do you do it? How do you practice compassionate self discipline?

Be present. This is a practice in and of itself. It requires discipline to be aware of every moment. The reason why it’s so important is because you make choices in moments. Those choices add up to the life that you have. When you’re not aware of the moment, you miss the opportunity to consciously choose. You make the choice from past conditioning or someone else makes it for you. If your conditioning is in alignment with the way you want to be, your life is wonderful. If not, well…here we are. So, as much as possible practice being present.

Figure out what you want to be. Beyond being present, what is it you would like to be. Not what you would like to do or have, but what you want to be. If you can only label the things you want to do, find the connection among them. For example, I want to lose weight, run a marathon, get my cholesterol down. The common thread is that I want to be healthy.

Act. Choose an action that you can take in this moment and always to be what you want to be. For me it was eat only when I’m hungry. I could do it immediately and all the time. In any moment, when I feel like eating, I ask myself if I’m hungry. To normal people, it may seem obvious that if you want to eat it means you are hungry, but to me wanting to eat does not equate with hunger. When I want to lash out, I want to eat. When I get bored, I want to eat. When I feel lonely, I want to eat. If I am not present, my conditioning is to eat at those times.

Forgive yourself. This may be the hardest part. How do you know that you’re not just copping out and giving yourself license? In the beginning, you don’t. Regardless, this is the compassionate part of the equation. When you mess up, forgive yourself. Be willing to forgive yourself 70 times 7. Be present in the moment to choose again.

As I practice compassionate self discipline, I will share my experiences with you.

Does such a thing even exist? I was introduced to the concept of compassionate self discipline by Cheri Huber’s There Is Nothing Wrong With You. The book, as the title implies, is about accepting yourself just the way you are. That was over a year ago.

At the time, I didn’t comprehend the book. I thought that it was well-intentioned. The handwriting print was endearing and lulled me into comfort. As a hard core perfectionist, though, the message of the book was lost on me. I think I’m getting it now. Compassionate self discipline is the practice of doing what you need to do while accepting where you are.

I used to think of discipline in drill sargeant terms. Every time I heard the word I would grit my teeth, buckle down, and plow through. When I couldn’t do the task perfectly or get the results I wanted, I would beat myself up, grit my teeth, buckle down, and plow through. I would repeat the cycle several times until I just gave up. My health is the area that I applied the most grit too. Always, in the end, beating myself up. I failed miserably. Finally, I decided to just let it go. So much for discipline.

It was during Bikram Yoga that the idea of compassionate self discipline resurfaced. The instructor kept referring to the “practice”. It was all about doing your best, being in the moment. When you’re 275 lbs in a room that’s over 100 degrees, it’s enough to just breathe. The first class I cried when I realized I could not be perfect. I thought it was because I was so unhealthy, but now that I’m writing I realize that it’s because my pride was broken. I started to approach things differently.

I’m new at this, but it is working for me. I practice. Everyday, I practice meditation, I practice eating only when I’m hungry, I practice being honest with myself and others, I practice seeing Myself in others, I practice being Myself. I am not perfect. When my mind wonders during meditation, I gently bring it back. If I find myself eating aimlessly, I stop. I have taken the anger and self-hatred out of the equation. It’s proving a much better method to develop discipline.

It’s not a quick fix, but I am seeing results and I feel sane.