If you're new here, check out the Best of Balanced Life Center and be sure to subscribe to receive the latest updates via email or RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

I was raised to be very haughty. Haughty. The word oozes arrogance and pride. It was great for my self esteem and followed me into adulthood. It served its purpose though. Now that I’m open to growing beyond that point, it’s not surprising that life is giving me every opportunity to be humble. I reported to a new job yesterday only to find out that I was going to be doing support. Immediately, my head started going on about how “above” that I am. It was incredible to watch. I kept yelling internally about what I was going to do to get out of the situation. Talk to my interviewer, get a new venture off the ground, live off my husband’s salary. I mean the voice was loud and, had I not been alert, it would have been convincing. After it reached a crescendo, about to fall into anger over not having things my way, I silenced it.

In the book, Power vs. Force, David Hawkins talks about levels of consciousness. According to him, they are, from bottom to top: shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, and enlightenment. I won’t explain each level here, there is a full explanation on Steve Pavlina’s site.

My steady state is pride. I’ve always done well in school and excelled in my endeavors. I really didn’t try anything unless I knew that I could shine at it. My life started to turn topsy turvy after I realized that what appeared perfection to the outside world was really a mess. At that time I descended into anger. Rage is more like it. Enter David Hawkins and Power vs Force.

I’ve always been intrigued with mystical, metaphysical, spiritual phenomenon. I realized that if I wanted to get anywhere near enlightenment I would have to be courageous. I started stepping out of my comfort zone. I did Bikram Yoga, despite wanting to pass out in the first five minutes. I started writing on this site that I had for 3 years prior. I was inching out of my comfort zone. Not brazenly, not timidly either, just stealthily pushing the boundaries. I’m at the point where it’s not so much about new ventures, but consistently pushing the boundaries.

So yesterday when that voice started, I was taken off guard. I was able to see it for what it was though. I thanked it for its input, then I asked it what the real issue was. It started to get quieter and quieter, until it was silenced. At that moment, I leapt from pride to willingness. I remember consciously choosing to have a wonderful experience at the job. To enjoy every moment. Interestingly, my seeming problems dissolved today. Parking was not an issue. I made a friend. My “mentor” had me shadow her so I was not sitting idly. The whole situation turned around.

I don’t think that the levels of consciousness are a linear path. In fact, Hawkins mentions that you can experience quantum leaps. I also think that you can slide back. I think that you have a steady state and you can move from one state to another. Right now I am consciously working on moving my steady state from pride to courage. After yesterday, and several other experiences over the past few months, I think I’m past pride, but not solid in courage. I also
experience moments of joy, love, peace, even enlightenment from time to time. I view this scale in analog harmony rather than digital binary. It’s fun navigating the spectrum.