Nov
Uncentered

This post is a part of the Season of Gratitude Series. You can participate by writing a gratitude post and telling me about it. For more details, click here.
For the past 2 weeks I have been off my center. Five months ago my husband and I separated. In the past 2 weeks we reconnected and began to talk about our relationship. We are both on virgin territory. Me more than he, as I’m a very head centered person. When we saw each other again, I was flooded with emotions that were sitting under the crust of anger that had enveloped my heart. They surged to the surface.
I’m not one to rely on my heart very much, and, as I’ve mentioned before, spent years suppressing emotions. I used to eat them. Since I gave up that elixir, I’ve marched headlong into a fury of emotions. For the longest time that was anger, as it related to my husband. Then, as I forgave him and myself, I moved into sadness. Finally, the anger lifted and I experienced joy. I was not prepared for the onslaught of love.
Not surprisingly, I got a clear message today to go with my heart. To explore all of the feelings that are there. To courageously peel back the top that I quickly put on the box.
As a result, I am off my center, in new territory.
Perhaps, the truth is that I am very much in my element, but I am overwhelmed by the feeling of palpable longing, missing, desire. What to make of this new place?
Nonetheless, today I am grateful for my emotions, for actually feeling them, for a level of clarity and willingness that says I won’t cover them up. What are you grateful for?
In Spirit,
Nneka


November 5th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Reconciliation after a martial separation is emotionally. But the fact there are still emotions is a good thing- - it means the heart is still longing for something better.
November 6th, 2007 at 10:43 am
It took a lot just to write that. I’d say you’re actually coming into your center. The onslaught of love is healing love and not necessarily love for someone, although that’s available too. This is really about your wholeness & overall journey, than the personal interplay involved. Your heart & body have been homesick for you. Welcome back!
November 6th, 2007 at 7:04 pm
I’m grateful for your honesty and openness. It’s inspiring.
November 6th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
BTW, it’s official… this blog post has been “digged.”
November 7th, 2007 at 9:16 am
Welcome Alex
We are undecided on everything including reconciliation. It’s a very interesting place to be. If I were 5 years younger I would say that I was living in limbo. Today, I see it as living in possibilities. I was just so unprepared for that overwhelming feeling.
Thanks for taking that time to leave a heartfelt comment.
Cheers,
Nneka
November 7th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Pamir, you might just have it on the money. I had never allowed myself to totally fall. For about 18 months, my prayer has been to be a clear channel for God’s expression. God is love and I have been revelling in it here and there, getting glimpses. Maybe this was a bigger dose
November 7th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Al, thanks for the Digg and the overall support
I really appreciate it.
November 10th, 2007 at 2:46 am
Sounds to me, Nneka, that though you may be off-head-centered, you are very much “on” heart-centered, which is your inner place of knowing. I honor you for your allowing vulnerability, which is the location of your true place of strength.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:05 am
So where do I begin on this one … Its been more than a year since I’ve actually physically seen her but I can admit to myself now that emotions run extremely deep. I’ve tried to run from those feelings for a while and to her unknowing.. I’ve even avoided situations where I thought I might run into her. I don’t know if I could handle that right now..
I know that is being a coward…. Also I guess the fear is that I would spill my heart the moment I was in an unavoidable situation with her.. only to find that yes.. she truly moved on would eat my heart out… I could’nt blame her because the way it ended.. I was putting up the front actiing like I was “mr macho handle himself don’t need nobody”…
Don’t all guys do that..Where do we get that from?!
In nutshell it ended badly.. for me.. No body wrote a manual and handed to me on stuff like this.. I guess this is were faith comes in. But what is faith if I keep running…
At the time of the breakup I think we both were stubborn individuals - no body would budge from our idealistic mindsets..
Looking back at the year since then.. I did realize a lot about how I dealt with conflict.. I knew I had to change and I dramatically I did them because of the anger I realized certain things.. about how simple it would have been just to be more adaptable.
I think its a matter of time before I either confront my fears or maybe this was the process I really needed to go thru in order to let her go..
… Lets see where this goes …
All other relationships since then have obviously failed because of these lingering emotions… I don’t want be unfair to others anymore. I thought that I could move on if I treated the next girl with even more love and affection and it would work.
Its an individual thing. Maybe there actually is someone else there to teach me something new.. but how do I really close that chapter and reopen a new one if I’m still lingering on emotions like this..
January 28th, 2008 at 4:07 am
So to make it all make sense… How do you deal with being off centered.. for THAT long..
(its ok to chuckle at me.. I was writing and hit submit .. trying after words to tie it all together..)