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When you first hear about personal development, the tendency is to plunge in and try to take off from 0 to 100 in seconds. Things change rapidly in the beginning, but burnout sets in. You might look around and find that your life is still a disaster zone and you don’t have the energy to plow forward. All the books said that you should think positively, intend, and act, but none of those instructions seem to be working for you. What gives?

Between negative one and positive one hundred, there lies the number zero. It’s the same with personal development. Zero is the space between being in an unsatisfied marriage and being with the man of your dreams. It is the land between financial chaos marked by impulsive spending, debt, and no budget, and being a millionaire living off residual income. Zero is the agony between throwing yourself into a profession that you hate hoping to get the recognition or the money to make it worth it, and living your purpose. It is the weight between emotionally eating and being inactive, and being at your dream weight with all the vitality to live a full life. It is the chasm between wondering if there is a God and becoming intimately familiar with the God of your understanding.

Zero is your foundation. Without a good foundation, you are building the house of your life on sand. One stiff wind, it blows away, and you’re back to negative one. Every time you go through that iteration, the negative seems even more daunting. It appears as negative one thousand, when it’s really only a few moments from your foundation.

To steal an idiom from Ramit, “It ain’t sexy.” Foundations help you build space and discipline. The space makes room for all those great things that you are inviting into your life. For this part of the equation, you have to let go of all the stuff that isn’t serving you. It’ll feel as though it’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for you to give up your stuff. Stuff doesn’t refer to material possessions. It’s referring to your fears, your need to be right, the need to have it your way right away.

The second part is about the dirty d-word discipline. Discipline gets a bad wrap. We think of army sergeants barking orders in boot camp. Or at least, I do. Discipline is about consciously making the choice that is most in alignment with who you are in any given moment. There are some key words in there: consciously, and ‘who you are’. It requires you to be present and to know your Self.

So you’re probably thinking, “This is great Nneka. How do I build a solid foundation?” My foundation consists of meditating daily, eating only when hungry, being my true Self in relationships, writing about Spirituality (living my purpose as much as I can), and sticking to my budget. Here are some of the things that I did to build it this year.

Establish a Spiritual Practice

If I write a post and I don’t say this in some way, be sure to add it to the comments I believe that I am an expression of Spirit. That’s my part of knowing who I am. I want to be in full alignment with Spirit.

Your spiritual practice will help you to know who you are and to become in alignment with It. It will help you to make much better choices, to remain calm, and to focus on your intentions. It will teach you how to love yourself, how to forgive yourself, and how to be gentle with yourself.

Build Integrity With Yourself

We’re very good at honoring the commitments we make to others. How about the commitments we make to ourselves?

First, let yourself off the hook. Don’t commit yourself to anything that you aren’t going to do. You know those things. You write them down, they feel great, and there’s a voice in your head saying, “Yeah right.” That voice is opposition and when you’re in the hole, you don’t have the resources to battle it. Let it win. Don’t commit to be, do, or say anything that you cannot complete.

Don’t feel bad about not committing to anything. You will soon, when you have the resources to do it. When you start to act and make commitments, baby steps are needed. You are rebuilding your faith in yourself. You are learning to rely on your own decision making capabilities. You are building trust in yourself.

Celebrate All Successes

Find a way to celebrate all your successes. I have a bulletin board where I’ve tacked on memorabilia. You might choose to carry a success and gratitude journal, or write them into your planner. Whatever you do, take the time to pat yourself on the back every time you fulfill a commitment you made to yourself.

Simplify Your Life

Simplify your life. It’s that easy. NOT! There are a few ideas in the article following that link though. The idea is to clear some space for the things that you want.

Practice Compassion

All those wonderful things that you want to see in the world must begin with you. Forgive yourself 70 times 7 should you break one of your commitments. Be gentle with yourself as you take those baby steps. Look at how far you’ve come, rather than envy how far someone else did. You’ll probably discover that you have a dark side as you go through this process. Rather than cover it up, let it out in safe environments. It’s not nearly as powerful or scary as it seems. It just needs a voice.

Date Yourself

I got this idea from my work with The Artist’s Way. Whether you’re in a committed relationship, or single, start dating yourself as you would want someone to date you. Explore all of the venues, concerts, exhibitions, and restaurants that are a part of your dream date. You don’t just have to do grown up dates either, you could do the perfect play date. If you were 5 years old, what would be your perfect play date? Would it be finger painting, or dancing in the park, or blowing bubbles?

Date yourself to discover your passions. Learn to love yourself by practicing compassion. Create space by simplifying your life. Celebrate your life. Stay true to yourself. Rest…

In Spirit,
Nneka