How to Stop Eating Compulsively

September 5th, 2007 by Nneka -- Bookmark on del.icio.us

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I shared my story about how I transitioned from eating compulsively to feeling full. I realized at the end that I needed to bring out the salient points, but I didn’t want to continue with the post, so here goes.

I didn’t get this from a book or any particular program, so I’m writing in retrospect how I stopped eating compulsively. It’s like asking your grandmother for the recipe to your favorite dish. She probably doesn’t have one because she does it by feel, but she’ll try her best to reconstruct one for you

Be Extremely Gentle and Patient with Yourself

Be prepared to treat yourself as you would an adorable 6 month old who’s teething. You may get irritable and fussy. You might even slip up, but you know that you are still a wonderful person and you are worth it.

If you’ve been overeating for some time, it’s not just because you love food. Notice, I said “just”. You love food, AND you are using it for something. When you decide to stop using it, and you haven’t substituted it with something else, you will find out very quickly what you’ve been avoiding.

Allow yourself the space to deal with whatever that stuff is. Be gentle and patient. If you overeat at a meal, stop yourself the moment you realize what you’re doing and ask yourself what it’s about. Beating yourself up is not a part of this regimen. Every meal is an opportunity to learn more about your body and your emotions.

Before Taking the First Sip or Bite Ask Yourself If You Are Hungry

Your mind has a lot to do with this, but sooner or later you have to pick up a fork or spoon and bring it to your mouth. It’s scary. I know. You want to do it “right”. It’s really simple.

Am I hungry?

Get used to those three words. Sounds obvious and rudimentary, but you are learning a whole new way of relating to food. If the answer is yes, by all means sate your hunger and eat something. However, if the answer is no, don’t.

In the beginning, it’s that simple. Yes or no.

At some point, you might deign to ask yourself why you want to eat if you’re not hungry. More than likely, you’re not willing to face that question. Eventually, though, your emotions will corner you. You won’t be numb and they’ll start to taunt you. You’ll have no choice but to face why you want to eat when you aren’t hungry. More on that in a moment.

Eat Mindfully

In the beginning, give up eating in front of the television, or to a good book, or even with an old friend. Sit with your meal and savor it. You’ll be recalibrating what your mind thinks “full” is. You’ll be surprised how much sooner you stop eating when that’s all you’re doing.

Try this just one time. Put your fork down between mouthfuls. Do not begin to prepare for the next mouthful until you have completely swallowed the first one. Take a breath in between mouthfuls before you begin to prepare the next one. It feels extremely tedious, but if you do it just one time you will get a good sense of exactly how you’ve been eating and the kind of experience you can have if you really pay attention.

Create a Supportive Environment

Some weight loss programs advocate preparing your environment by cleaning out your pantry and your refrigerator. That’s great advice for rational people. Clearly, they never met someone that would drive to 3 groceries at one o’clock in the morning in search of a quart of Java Chip ice cream knowing that earlier that day said tub was thrown out.

But I digress.

The supportive environment that I’m talking about is to help you to deal with all that stuff that is buried in those pounds. The stuff that you would otherwise cover up with food, but gosh darn it, you have to deal with it now.

For me the supportive environment consisted of a regimen of walking, writing, and meditating. Walking gave me an active way to work off steam in a socially accepted way. I started out walking as exercise, but I soon learned to take a walk every time I felt intense anger in a situation where I couldn’t express it. It helped me to burn off the emotion, without burying it. While I walked, I would have conversations with myself about whatever was bothering me. I would walk until I found a place of peace.

While walking was reactive, writing and meditating was proactive. You would think that only a sadist would go digging up demons, but I didn’t want them jumping out of the woodwork. (After all, there are only so many breaks you could take during the day.) Writing helped me to uncover the stuff that was lurking beneath the surface. Meditation was the soothing balm, not a cover up, but a catalyst for healing.

Later on, I learned to flip through the numbers on my cell phone until I found someone supportive. Anything to help me to work through my emotions and not stuff them down.

A special note here that you don’t want to replace one addiction with another, or one escape mechanism with another. For example, you could stop eating when you’re not hungry, but find yourself working yourself into exhaustion. The idea here is to create an environment where it’s safe to deal with your stuff, not find alternate ways to avoid it.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel Your Emotions

It may not be appropriate to feel angry with the world, but this is a matter of survival. You will begin to feel again and when you do, it won’t necessarily be all those good-two-shoes feelings. You might feel like you just want to rage. Go ahead and feel it. You might feel like you are in the depths of despair. Go ahead and feel it. You might feel like you are sailing on cloud nine. Great! Go ahead and feel it.

Please note that feeling your emotions and acting on them is not the same thing. Just because you FEEL enraged does not mean that you need to ACT enraged. Giving yourself permission to FEEL enraged means that you let it roll through you. You acknowledge it and you let it run its course internally. Sometimes, you might feel like you’ll internally combust if that happens. In those cases, rely on the supportive environment you have created.

Love Yourself Just The Way You Are

This is as hard as it gets.

Remember in Bridget Jones’s Diary when Bridget tells her friends that the guy likes her just the way she is, and they say, “Just the way you are?” Then she says yes.

You need to do that for yourself.

You may not like the way you look in pictures, but so what. It’s temporary. You know that you are a caring, generous, kind, loving, smart, cheeky, funny person. You are marvelous and spectacular, and a great addition to this planet. Give yourself the gift of acknowledging it.

Enjoy the Journey

It’s been over a year since I have been practicing eating only when hungry and until full. I’ve lost 26 lbs, not 52 or 104. It is a process, sometimes very painful. If you want to lose 75 lbs for your wedding in 6 months, this isn’t the way to go. If you want a new way to relate to food, and express your Self, you’ve got a shot.

It’s not one and done. It’s ever evolving, but it’s fun. You’ll discover a person that you might want to have over for a cup of coffee

In Spirit,
Nneka

Entry Filed under: Self Awareness, Personal Development, Life Transformation Program, Health, Relationships and Emotional Mastery

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16 Comments Add your own

1. Lyman Reed | September 5th, 2007 at 7:16 am

Great article, Nneka! While I’ve never had this particular struggle, much of what you write could be applied to so many other areas. Loving and accepting ourselves just the way we are is one of those key ingredients to any program of change we may embark on.
2. Erin | September 5th, 2007 at 8:50 pm

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3. Dave | September 6th, 2007 at 12:43 am

I’m just above underweight in the normal range. I weigh 130lbs or so and I’m 5′10.” For a bit I gained 10-15lbs but then conditioned myself to just not really eat each day because it felt recreational and my stomach grew smaller fairly quickly.

When I started eating, I ate smaller portions so I went back to normal weight. Now, when I eat, I don’t really need to worry if I’ll be overweight because I naturally can’t really eat that much! My body stops me appropriately. The downside is that when you go out to eat, most restaurants give out huge portions, so it seems like a waste only eating around half a lot of times.

I read the health facts a lot, too. That will ALWAYS help. Lots of fiber and protein if you’re doing activity. Lots of fruit if you’re just chillang!

Another thing I think about when I’m eating anything, is I stop myself thinking about how I’m going to take the next bite and I think about how much of the plate in front of me SHOULD be in my stomach. It’s sort of coming up with a serving size for your personal body.

It all seems to work!

(PS: The weight I like being is where I’m just filled out enough to where my ribs aren’t showing. Your body can hold muscle mass, be thin, but not toooo thin.)

Great stuff, Nneka! I love to see your comments on other blogs, too! I’m glad you share your thoughts all around.
4. Megan | September 6th, 2007 at 12:31 pm

I loved this post - thank you. I’ve been trying to eat more mindfully for the last few weeks, recognizing that I don’t always (ever?) pay much attention to the process of eating. When I am successful, I feel full faster, and am more satisfied overall.
Your tip about putting down the fork (or other utensil) after every bite, and chewing/swallowing completely before going for more is fantastic. So simple, yet powerful. I tried it last night and LOVED it! Thanks, again!
5. Holli Jo | September 9th, 2007 at 9:43 pm

Nneka:

I’m new to your blog, but I really love its simplicity and focus on the basics. Your blog is different from a lot of blogs out there, and that’s really refreshing. I’m learning a lot from you. Thanks!
6. FitBuff | September 10th, 2007 at 4:46 pm

Hey Nneka!

Thanks for another great article. We’ve included it in our Fourteenth Edition of the Total Mind and Body Fitness Carnival.

Please click on the following links to Digg and/or Stumble the post to bring even more readers to see your article:

Digg It!

Stumble It!

I’ve already Dugg and Stumbled all of the submissions individually, so please return the favor above.
7. Nutrition Frenzy » &hellip | September 10th, 2007 at 10:58 pm

[…] Nneka presents How to Stop Eating Compulsively posted at Balanced Life Center. […]
8. Becky Gillaspy | September 11th, 2007 at 8:52 am

Hi Nneka,

I enjoyed your post on how to stop eating compulsively. I took a personal journey similar to yours and I appreciate your point about enjoying the journey. I spent years in the health care world as a chiropractor and a college instructor of anatomy and all the while I was searching hard for a solution to my compulsive overeating and emotional eating. What I came to find was that the answer was not in the text books. It all turned around for me when I learned how to be kind to myself (as you mentioned).
Thanks for spreading the word and letting people know there is a way to overcome these issues.
Have a great day!
9. FitBuff.com's Total Mind &hellip | September 12th, 2007 at 11:30 am

Total Mind and Body Fitness Blog Carnival #14…

Monday is Blog Carnivals Day. A Blog Carnival is basically a collection of articles or blog posts, all relating to a similar subject, that are gathered together for your viewing pleasure. You can quickly and conveniently see a list of Article Titles a…
10. Wally | September 17th, 2007 at 1:05 am

Great advice. Eating mindfully is probably our best answer to compulsive eating. If we are aware of its effects, we will surely avoid this mindless eating.
11. Pat | September 17th, 2007 at 10:20 pm

Great post.
This is very helpful. I’m sure with these tips, people with compulsive eating problems will learn how to control their eating habits.
12. Mind-Mart.com » Blo&hellip | September 19th, 2007 at 11:42 pm

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13. Mary | November 15th, 2007 at 6:52 pm

This is a really great article. I have a compulsive eating disorder, and I’m really hoping this can help me. I feel sick a lot of the time from overeating, and I used to force myself to vomit sometimes. Thanks so much, once again, I think you might be able to help =D.
14. Anne | November 21st, 2007 at 10:08 am

Does anybody else have the “I better eat it now because it may not be there when I am hungry for it” issue. I call it depression-era eating and have it bad. I have a great life…tons of self-esteem (maybe even too much at times!), great family/friends, etc….but I eat “because it’s time”, “because it may not be there when I want it if I don’t eat it now”…I don’t think I enjoy food the way most people do….I just stuff it down. At 5′6″ I weight 230 pounds…and I really don’t care (honestly!) what I weigh but I don’t feel healthy. I can’t run around the yard with my kids and that, along with the fact that I am getting older (41), are what are FINALLY pushing me to do something about it. I don’t diet….just can’t make myself do it.

FYI - I was not overweight as a young child…but became that way in about 5th/6th grade….I don’t have recollection of what happened but do remember that from that time forward, I was heavy.

I just found your blog and it is wonderful. Any input/direction you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
15. Heather | January 10th, 2008 at 2:25 pm

Wow what a site. I have always been up and down with my weight. Just knowing I am not the only one with this problem really helps. You have such helpful ideas on portion control and teaching myself to only eat when hungry. Thank you for having this site
16. Hayley | March 24th, 2008 at 4:29 pm

I found this article EXTREMELY helpful! i have been researching over eating for about two months now and this article has helped me most, not only because of the great tips but because i felt there was no one i could relate to about this topic. My sister was anorexic and my mam gets quite paraniod when i don’t eat sometimes so i felt going to her about this issue was out of the question. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you have helped me! =)