Balanced Life Center

Advice for Graduating Seniors

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As you embark on your life journey and step onto your path, I share the lessons I wish I had when I was graduating at 18, 22, or 25. These are the lessons from my 32 year old self to my 22 year old self.

1. Embrace Not Knowing

They’re hiring interns at my job right now. As I set up their phones, I have a conversation with them about their majors and their plans. They have 2 reactions to the question: What are your plans? First, the OMG-I-really-hope-it-looks-like-I-have-my-shit-together detailed plan answer. They appear to be self-assured, confident, bright-eyed, bushy tailed, but beneath something inside is yelling, “I don’t have a clue!” You could really see it all over them. Second, the I-don’t-really-know-I’ve-been-doing-XYZ answer. This person appears to be apologetic while they squirm and get smaller and smaller. Inside they’re screaming, “Sh!t! What the hell am I going to do with myself after I graduate!?!”

To my 22 year old self (and the other 22 year olds), I say CALM DOWN! It’s okay not to know. It’s okay to say confidently and courageously, “I don’t have a clue!” It’s okay to embrace this not knowing and use it to explore all the possibilities. You have nothing to lose at this point. You can make mistakes and recover easily. Now is the time to make those mistakes.

2. Travel

I tell every 20-something year old that gives the whiny, I’m-so-sorry-I-don’t-know answer, to travel. I ask every 20-something year old that gives the confident, I-really-do-have-my-sh!t-together answer, if they’ve travelled. Now is the time to go see how the world lives. Design your life out of the experiences. See for yourself the conditions of the world. Don’t assume that all of Africa is a poverty striken, genocide ridden land, or that all of Europe is springtime in Paris, or that all of the Caribbean is sunny beaches, and tourist-welcoming inhabitants.

A typical response to this question is, “When I get the money.” I admonish you to go now! When you have the money, you won’t have the time, or you’ll have the kids, or the debt, or…You get the picture.

To my 22 year old self (and the other 22 year olds), I say “GO NOW!”

3. Be Open

I remember hosting a book club and discussing Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Laws of Spiritual Success. There was a 19 year old in the group adamantly opposed to the idea of surrender and going with the flow. In fact, she was closed to all of the concepts in the book and Eastern philosophy in general. She just got more and more uptight as we went on with the discussion. It was distressing (for her and for me).

To my 22 year old self (and the other 22 year olds), I say “Abandon your convictions!” You’re too young to have any. You haven’t experienced any of life outside of the influence of your parents or chosen peer group. Form your conclusions, after you’ve had the first miscarriage, or lost a parent, or gotten laid off from your job, or had your first child, or gotten your first corner office, or celebrated with your parents their 30th anniversary. It will distill for you what’s important. In the mean time, have an open mind.

4. Discover the God of Your Being

I dare say I had the best religious education growing up. I went to Catholic School, and Unity church (New Thought). Living on my left were Hindus, and across the street from me were Muslims. The country I grew up in (Trinidad) celebrated the most festive Holy days of each denomination by observing a holiday and have parades in the street. I got to participate in the rituals of my neighbours, mostly weddings and holy days. Even with all of that, by the time I was 27, I found myself sitting in a minister’s office talking about Truth. When asked what Truth I was referring to, I stopped dead in my tracks.

To my 22 year old self (and the other 22 year olds), I say “Don’t settle for anyone else’s idea of God (including mine).” Explore different religions and ways of worship. Test out different belief systems on your life and see how they work for you. Don’t be afraid to make God in your own image. Lightning will not strike you dead, and if it does you could take it up with God

5. Eliminate Have-To’s

Lucky for you, they don’t exist in your world. Not yet anyway. I would tell you not ever, but you’ll have to discover that for yourself You don’t have to start creating imaginary rules for yourself now that you are a grown up. The world will not fall apart if you don’t make up your bed in the morning, or go out partying on a school night. You might discover that certain habits work better for you, but you can explore the other side of the rules that you grew up with and see if you like them better. These are your most free days. Use them to come up with your own rules of engagement.

To my 22 year old self (and the other 22 year olds), I say “Go out and chart your own course.” Throw out the map. Your parents and teachers mean well, but it’s still your life to live. You will hear their voice when you need to. Take this time to come into your own. Follow your passions!

In Spirit,
Nneka

Entry Filed under: Self Awareness, Personal Development

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