The Premature Mid-Life Crisis

Personal Development Carnival 05/13/07 Edition Power in the Present (and the Presence)

May 14th, 2007 by Nneka -- Bookmark on del.icio.us

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As I approached my 29th birthday, something in me went bezerk. I started to question everything and nothing seemed to have meaning. Soon after my 29th birthday I abruptly quit my high-powered corporate job as an IT consultant. I could only describe what I was going through as a mid life crisis. I would imagine that people used to experience this on approaching 40, but more and more people in my generation are reporting a certain sense of urgency, near panic, as they turn 30 or soon after. Have we - Gen X’ers and Gen Y’ers - moved the decade of the mid-life crisis?

Suddenly, faced with a life you always thought you wanted, you don’t fit. Not the job that you aspired to in college and got (with equal pay no less). Not the house that you got to show the world just how grown up you are. Not the husband that treated you exactly how they do in the chick flicks. None of it fits, least of all your clothes.

What do you do when this happens? At 32, I’m still working on re-arranging my life, but I could share with you what’s worked for me so far.

Stand Still

You may be tempted to do more, to get more, to say more, but do the opposite. Rest more, give more, listen more. Remain as still as the eye in the storm, for that is the safest place to be. Let your life swirl around you until it exhausts itself and collapses. The shattered pieces may terrify you, but only then will you be able to be whole again.

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you.
If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

–David Wagoner, Lost

Attend to Your Spritual Practice

Whether it’s journaling, silent meditation, or reading a Sacred text, develop the daily practice of going within to find the still, cool, refreshing pool of wisdom deep inside you. Take a dip in it everyday.

The only way to gain power in a world that is moving too fast is to learn to slow down.

And the only way to spread one’s influence wide is to learn to go deep. The world we want for ourselves and our children will not emerge from electronic speed but rather from spiritual stillness that takes root in our souls.

Then, and only then, will we create a world that reflects the heart instead of shattering it.

–Marianne Williamson

Stay Alert, Awake, and Aware

Spirit will guide you in all your endeavors. Look for the signposts. You are searching. You will find It, but you have to stay awake.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

–Rumi, Don’t Go Back to Sleep

Your path will clear before you with such ease, you will be astonished. What will be left will be for you to have the courage to follow it.

In Spirit,
Nneka

Entry Filed under: Spiritual Growth, Self Awareness, Spirituality, Personal Development

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9 Comments Add your own

1. Pamm | May 14th, 2007 at 6:30 pm

Have you ever heard of the Saturn Return in astrology? I’m not much of an astrologer, but I went through a huge transformation ages 27-30 which effected me for years. The push came from deep within and was undeniable.

You can check out this article on it (http://newage-directory.com/saturn.html) Again, I’m not an astrologer and don’t follow mine much (except Rob Brezny…he’s a hoot) and don’t feel we are driven by the stars by any means. But the effect on people of the Saturn Return is one I’ve seen over and over.
2. Kara-Leah Masina | May 14th, 2007 at 7:01 pm

Hah! I was about to ask if you’d ever heard of Saturn Returns and then the first comment mentions it

I too have just been going through this - starting with a BANG on my 29th birthday with kundalini awakening, psychosis, my fiance breaking up with me and my financial life collapsing…

But I’m 31 now and like you say, the most important part of this process has been learning to BE STILL.

Another beautiful post!

Thank you
3. Nneka | May 15th, 2007 at 8:49 am

Hi Ladies, I have not heard about Saturn’s Return. I will have to read up on it. I had dinner with a friend of mine last night and she mentioned the same upheaval in her early 30’s.

It’s like you’ve done all the expected stuff, all the impressive stuff and you’ve realized that it is indeed your life to do with as you see fit.

I’m surprised there isn’t more on the topic. Usually people in their mid-40’s talk about the mid-life crisis. What is this thing that late- 20’s early 30’s are experiencing?

@Pamm, a special welcome. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

@Kara, serendipity
4. mervyn | May 16th, 2007 at 3:06 am

I particularly enjoyed your post today! From your perspective, your experience at 29 may have been a crisis…to me I would refer to it as a revelation…I was 28 when I dicided to act on my similar experience…WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY THE MASTER APPEARS!
luv ya
dad
5. Rick Cockrum | May 16th, 2007 at 3:08 pm

When I was young, the saying was to never trust anyone over 30. The Gen-Xs and Gen-Ys haven’t got anything new. In regards to what Kara and Pamm said, astrologically Saturn is often referred to as the teacher. The mid-life crisis of the 40s is associated with Saturn and Uranus both opposing their natal positions.

I went through something similar at that age with my family. I thought it was hell, but then, I’m like the donkey. First you hit him over the head to get his attention, then you talk to him.

Love the Rumi.
6. Aine Callan | May 17th, 2007 at 3:23 am

Great blog Nineka

Life changing experiences happened to me just before 19 and then again just before 29 due to tragic events surrounding those closest to me and by the time I reached 39, I was sure I was heading for another disaster but sailed through it - however in my early forties I was soon awakened to the Yin Yang of life.

Today, whatever comes my way - I always say quietly to myself “I can deal with it”. Those 5 words have a lot of power.
7. Constance Hamilton | June 1st, 2007 at 3:50 pm

It is not that frightening when such thoughts assault you at 29. It can, however, be quite terrifying when they haunt you at 59!…
Which is, in fact, my present dilemma. I have read four of your books, Neal, and for once I’ve seen quite a bit of light, notwithstanding the fact that I tend to be cynical (not that I AM so; but to defend myself…) and that I feel there is no small amount of American naiveté in them which makes me giggle… But, basically, they are VERY GOOD!
I am back to the first CWG now and I still believe that it sheds bright light on the shambles of my mind: BRAVO!
Actually, I would LOVE to join in, making myself useful with the little “enlightment” I might have… Any ideas?!?…

P.S.: I hope my outspokeness does not offend…
8. JHS | June 16th, 2007 at 3:49 pm

I relate to this post . . . been there, done that, have the t-shirt. Some semblance of it continues to this day . . . Very interesting and insightful. I love the advice to stand still. That is, ultimately, what works.

Great contribution to the Carnival, which is how I got here.
9. EYSY | July 12th, 2007 at 1:40 pm

Midlife normally refers to people in their 40s (Half of their supposed 80 to 90 years old life) . Now at the age of 30s, shouldn’t it be more appropriate to call it First trimester crisis?

Well, I am in my 30s, I have lived quite a good life (traveled to many places, done bungee/parachuting/anything-what-not), I always knew that I am not cut up to climb the cooperate ladder , that is why I didn’t mind settling for sales ( I was getting quite good money though). Yet, the same question that bugs you all were also bugging me : what am I supposed to do with my life?
Turn of event in the industry a few years ago actually force me to face this question more seriously.

Whatever it is I hope you turn out like Suze Ozman. I really like to see you achieve that fulfillment in life : more than just earning big bucks/success story , living and stand for something you truly are. Same for my case here too.